I wish to assure all readers that sitings of Big Foot in the Pine Barrens are not based on fact. I highly doubt that some enormous creature is slogging about feasting on pine cones, small children and unwary tourists. It is entirely possible, however, that muvins are spreading dangerous propaganda concerning this beast to distract the public from their own nefarious activities.
Be warned, muvins however, are a real and present threat to our Hamptons life-style. Do not be deceived by their small stature. They may be only four feet tall, but the muvins are fearsome warriors with blood thirsty intent. I fear that as long as the gorbul Ambassador Grizzlob remains a fugitive in my basement, the muvins will stalk my house and frighten the neighbors.
However, the good news is that finally, I have lovely tenants for the season who will move in next weekend and stay for the summer season. They are a sweet elderly couple. I shall call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith because I can’t for the life of me pronounce their name even when it is spelled out.
Poor Mr. and Mrs. Smith have some sort of skin condition which requires them to be covered from head to foot. They both wore large hats and sunglasses.. Mr. Smith was draped in a manly navy blue terry cloth robe that dragged on the ground. I’m not sure what Mrs. Smith was wearing – only that it was long and covered her feet. Normally, I would suspect this kind of attire to be a muvin attempt to disguise reptilian legs and tail. By necessity, I must be on the alert for deception. However, since both Mr. and Mrs. Smith were over five feet tall, I know them to be what they claim. Poor things. Due to their extreme age, they seem to have difficulty walking. Frankly, I don’t see how they will manage the stairs, but they love my house and effusively complimented my decorative mushroom collection. Mrs. Smith even said they didn’t mind that the koi pond has no fish. Believe it or not, last night, those blasted muvins ate my beloved koi , for the pond was empty this morning. In fact, around ten o’clock, I saw those muvins toasting something on their camp fire and I can only surmise it may have been Clarence who was a noble fish of stately size – bright gold with black tipped fins.
I have told the Smiths that the basement is off limits. I see no reason to inform them that a gorbul is hiding out there. I have a feeling that, as well as minor coordination problems, the Smiths do not hear very well, and they certainly can’t smell very well, for they didn’t notice the odor of the manure that the ambassador uses in his mushroom farming. It is vital that the ambassador remain hidden. His life is in danger. If he will just stay quiet and not try to join in conversations, he will be safe. I also do not want him to frighten the Smiths by jumping out at them.
Anyway, I am pleased to report that I have a signed lease in hand as well as rent for summer – not as much as I had originally hoped, but this is a new economic reality – even for the Hamptons. The ambassador is safe. Of course, again, I must warn everyone to beware of the muvins. They are quite crafty.
It seems they are having difficulty renting their houses as well.
Deborah Moulton – Official Scribe of Morn
In Deborah Moulton’s own words: When my children were very small, I would spin them stories about faraway places filled with imaginary characters. When my children were slightly bigger, I wrote several books. When my children got expensive (as children do), I stopped writing and entered the job market. After a long twenty years of teaching and desk jobs, I have returned to writing and have just put back into print my first book, The First Battle of Morn ( sci-fi) which was published in 1988 and am half way through the sequel.