The Hamptons

Ok, so I had quite an interesting dream last night…

It all started off when I was in the driveway of a friend’s house. His name was Chris, and he was a golf pro or something. He also built furniture as a lucrative hobby. He pulled up in his pickup truck and I walked over and noticed he had a dog in the back of the truck bed. It looked like a cross between a Beagle and Daschund. It was very playful, and rolled over on its back, so I immediately started rubbing its belly. A couple other people walked over to the truck, and commented on the cute dog and they too began to pet the cute canine.

At one point, I think five people were playing with the dog, which consisted mostly of rubbing its tummy.

About five minutes later, some random lady appeared, she kinda looked like Ina Garten and looked more like she was headed to a Peace Rally rather than hosting a luncheon in East Hampton. She was holding a device that looked like a Geiger counter. She took the small rod, (attached to a wire, attached to a box) and touched the rod to the back of the truck bed where the dog was laying, and pointed to the meter. She gleefully pointed to the meter and said, “Look everyone! Look at how high the meter went, its at 87%” Before I inquired what that meant, the woman noted that her meter was an energy meter and measured either positive energy in the world or negative energy.

She said that the act of everyone petting the dog, and being happy about it, and of course the dog was happy, created wonderful positive energy. I asked her why she didn’t touch the rod to the dog. She said, “It doesn’t work that way, its better to touch the place where the energy is or was. You can measure a living thing’s energy by touching them with the rod, but its about the space not the physical form.”

Anyway, I was fascinated with this, and wanted to know more. I asked the woman if she had a card and whether I could chat with her more about “energy” and perhaps how it related to me, and whether she could help me create more positive energy in my life versus negative vibes. She said, “Sure, here’s my card…. come down to my home in Montauk and I can give you a free reading. In fact, I’m heading back there now, why don’t you follow me?”

So I proceeded to follow this gregarious smiley round woman out to Montauk. She lived a typical small house in a typical small middle-class neighborhood near the docks.

She invited me in, and as soon as I sat down, she proclaimed, “You my friend have a lot of negative energy.” I was like what! What do you mean?!? I mean I’m dealing with some issues right now, and sometimes I can be moody, but “A lot of negative energy?! that’s crazy!”

“Well she said, let’s meter you..” She took out her probe, held it near my shoulders, moved it around, and said, “OK, maybe not negative energy, but its reading around zero, which means you don’t have any positive energy.” I said, I will admit, I’ve been working quite a bit lately, and also had a recent drama that really brought me down.”

“Regardless, the meter picks up a general vibe and shouldn’t be affected by recent events, it measure more a broad spectrum, more like events within the last five to ten years.”

OK, I said, how do I amend this, how can I reduce any negative energy and shift more into positive vibes?

“Well she said, that’s a good question, and something i can help you with. If you want, we can go down to my friend Lisa’s house two doors down and I can show you some things that can help you.” Ok I said, Sounds good, I have some time today. We walk down to another regular-looking house, and walk in and head towards the back where it opens up and resembles a shoddy version of a small walk-in emergency care type of place. Kind of like a third-world medical center, but tidy and clean. There were a couple women hanging out drinking green tea and chatting about “Vibrations” Christine (The Ina Garten-looking woman) told me to change into this terry robe which had a color that Smith & Hawken would call “Spring Mud” or something and it had “tswc” on it, which reminded me of the L’s that Penny Marshall had on her clothes in Laverne & Shirley.

So they put me on a table and I lied down, and they put on some quiet soothing music and brought out some Amethyst crystals, and some other weird un-identifiable stuff. Just when another woman, Amy began asking me questions, two other women came into the room, disrobed, and jumped onto these bench things. However it seemed they were getting different treatments, more cosmetic it seemed.

After I got some measurements, and some ultra sound treatments, and some weird oil rub (that smelled like Patchouli) They told me they made some progress, but in order to truly commence the soul healing, I should go to another place called the Wellness Center, and there I’d be treated to a complimentary healthy lunch and a tour of their state of the art Spiritual Correctional Center. So we all jumped into a small white mini-van and drove about 13 minutes to an isolated place near that old radar tower in the woods. I saw this big new building that looked like a huge cement hospital designed by Frank Gehry, but with more windows, steel and cement than shiny polished steel.

We all walked into the lobby and a man who looked like Seal in a suit, escorted us into the cafeteria, which was actually really nice. It reminded me of a Calvin Klein store…. very modern, all white, with lots of brushed stainless steel.

There were other people already in the large room, some seated, some walking around the sides of the room, glancing at the expanse of food and beverage layouts served eloquently but still in what I call Cafeteria style. It reminded me also of the new cafeteria in the Hearst building. There were lots of tasty healthy treats ranging from hummus and tofu to wild mushrooms in truffle oil.

I put together a plate of food, and as I was headed back to sit down, who do I see but Rocco Dispirito. I walked over and gave him a nudge and said, “Well! Funny seeing you here.. ” “Hey what’s up?” “Good to see you!” “Ok I have to ask you what are you doing here?” “I’m here helping these guys with the food and menus of course…” “Oh ok that would make sense…”

“So what more can you tell me about this place?”

“Well, it’s called the The Supreme Wellness Center, and it’s supposedly the biggest and best Spiritual Wellness Center in the world.”

“No shit” I said. “Yeah, no shit” “Hold on, I gotta run, but we need to catch up” he said and he darted off to chat with a woman who looked like a brunette Meryl Streep dressed in a Jil Sander suit with a name tag that said “Marika.”

Pretty soon after we all ate, they started the tour, which was impressive to say the least. In different sections of the building, different specialists in white robes, gave speeches on their respective areas which ranged from bio-thermal conditioning, to crystal healing, to past life regression. It actually seemed really cool, and very advanced. I said to myself, “Man, I could really use this..” It seemed like the ultimate rehab. I especially like the coed steam spa that combined aromatherapy with color and sound therapy. I also liked the fact that every day, patients were treated to three massages, including a four-handed Aloe deep tissue massage.

I was sold. At the end of the tour, we all ended up in this room which was all glass and had numerous day beds, tons of tropical plants and a small reading area.

Now who do I see? Jason Binn. I walked over and said hello. I said, “Jason, what do you think, pretty amazing, huh? I think I’m gonna do this.”

“You should” he said. Jason himself was in a dark blue pin-striped suit. and then I noticed the name tag that simply read, “Jason”. I was like, “Jason, are you a part of this?” “Yep, this is one of my new projects… what do you think?”

“Impressive…. and count me in, I don’t care what this 30 day program costs, whether its five grand or fifty grand, I’m in… I think I really need this in my life right now.”

And Jason was like, “Try $350,000.”

I felt weak in the knees. “Ouch!” I said, that seems a little high, does that include a lifetime membership and a free Aston Martin? He didn’t really reply, but put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Buddy, just do it, you can afford it.” Then he walked away and had his photo taken with Renée Zellwegger and Christy Turlington.

Eric Striffler has been shooting fashion, interiors & lifestyle in The Hamptons, NYC, Miami and the Caribbean for over 15 years. Advertising and editorial images have appeared in numerous publications including Town and Country, NY Times (House & Home) Businessweek, Elle, Conde Nast Traveler, W, Vogue, House Beautiful, Complex, Elite Traveler, Time Out New York, Quest, Home, Robb Report, Hamptons Cottages & Gardens, Palm Beach Cottages & Gardens, Manhattan File, Manhattan Style, Hamptons Magazine, Palm Beach Illustrated, Distinction, New York Observer, Hampton Style, Avenue, Aspen After Dark, Miami After Dark. striffler.com